Sunday, Dec. 30, 2007
Some Oversharing
I'm back.
Well I've been back since early Friday, but I came back to no internet, because apparently, I forgot to pay my C0mcast bill for the month of December. Strange how I distinctly remember paying it. But I think what happened was that I went to the website, could not remember my password (I have ten million), and decided to do it when I got home, but forgot, yet kept the memory of visiting the site.
The whole ordeal was very frustrating. I had to drop my luggage and jump in my car to go pay the bill. The last thing I needed was to lose my fricken cable too! Especially since I'm off for the next week.
My family visit was...okay. They were more well behaved than usual. But my mood didn't really improve much. Or at all. I felt shitty the entire week.
What bothered me the most is that my mother always tries to act like we're friends. Like we've always been friends. And that couldn't be further from the truth. She would try to come sit next to me on the bed and have all these conversations with me and joke around with me and all that crap. It's great that she has that kind of relationship with my sister (so she won't have to go through the shit I did), but it's way too late to try to have one with me now. Someone once asked me why I wouldn't share any of my personal life with my mom, which she desparately wants. I told them when I wanted to share things with her when I was younger, when I needed her there to share with, she wasn't there and when she was there, she wasn't interested, and when she was interested, it was only long enough to make fun of me, belittle me, or put me down. And now, I'm the one who's not interested. I don't want to be anything more than mother and daughter.
Sometimes I think she thinks that I don't remember all the things she did/said to me. It really is the only explanation.
--
On Friday, on my way back, I found out that the person who was supposed to pick me up from the airport wasn't going to. Except he didn't bother to let me know that. Found out from M, who went with him to pick up my car when I drove myself to the airport. M couldn't pick me up either, but he was kind enough to call me and tell me that, and also make arrangements to drop my car back to the airport so it would be there waiting for me.
I was so pissed off that Al would do that to me so I sent him a message saying, "If you didn't want to pick me up, you should have just said that so I could have made other arrangements." He wrote me back, "what's the big deal. I didn't know what time you were coming in and M said he was going to get you." Interesting, especially knowing that he told M that he didn't even know what day I was coming back ; but now it conveniently changed to he knew when I was coming back just not what time and he was busy.
Well sorry to be a motherfucking burden to you, asshole. Like you couldn't take 30 minutes out of your fucking day to do something you promised you would do.
Can you tell I'm riled up about it. And he's acting like I'm overreacting about it. The thing is, if he had just called and said he was busy I wouldn't have had a problem. But the fact is, he didn't even bother or make an attempt to contact me. If I hadn't turned my phone on during my layover, I would have been waiting for him for gawd knows how long until I realized he wasn't coming. It's that he didn;t even give me the decency as his friend to give me the heads up.
And then, knowing that I was a bit moody decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I called and offered to help him move this weekend. He said he could use the help and that he would call me today when he woke up today to let me know what time to come over. He never called. I sent him a text that he never responded to. And then I texted M to see if he had gotten a call. He did, he was with him at the tie and they had already strated moving shit. I just responded that I guess he didn't want my help then.
If I wasn't pissed off before, I'm pissed off now. What the fuck is his problem. And to tlel the truth, I'm not even interested in finding out or working anything out. At least not right now.
I'm just so fed up with everything and everyone right now. I don't feel like I can trust or count on anyone. And the one person I always used to be able to turn to is acting like a fucking asshole.
I haven't felt this bad, this depressed in years. And I hate it.
summerroll at 6:50 p.m.