Wednesday, Feb. 02, 2005
Drought
I had sex for the first time in almost 6 months and it just was not enjoyable. I was out on Saturday night with my coworker, Al. It was my belated birthday outing. We�re sitting in the bar, talking, and who should walk in but an old fling, Zane.
I met Zane 2 years ago, about a week after my 21st birthday at F@t Tuesd@ys. I was talking to my friend and he was standing at the bar. I noticed him looking at me, but I didn�t really want to give him the impression that I was interested (which at the time I wasn�t) because in Miami, if you blink your eye in a guy�s direction, he thinks that means that you want to take him home for the night (kinda like that Visine commercial). Anyway, turns out that we had a mutual acquaintance in common who introduced us. Zane is absolutely gorgeous: black hair, tanned skin (natural, not sprayed), beautiful gull lips, and these incredible blue eyes that you just get lost in. We talked for like 5 minutes then he left with his friends. Flash forward 2 weeks, where I run into him at another bar and he asks me for my phone number.
We started talking pretty regularly on the pone and we would occasionally see each other out because we frequented the same bars. When I spoke to my friends about him, I called him �my firefighter� because he worked for one of the local fire departments. So, we�re not dating, but we�re getting close to that point and he calls me one afternoon and drops a bomb: �by the way, I have a 3 year old and an ex-wife. I must have mentioned it before.� Ah�..no. Surprisingly, that really didn�t bother me much, although I wish he had told me upfront. The other complication was that he was waaaay older than me. I�m still not too sure of his age, but I�m, pretty sure he�s over 30.
Long story short, we started seeing each other. Up until the day he called me and said that he had gotten back together with his old girlfriend, but that shouldn�t change things between us because he would still like to sleep with me. Ass. Hole. So, I was pissed, but he kept calling me. Occasionally, I would slip and I would still sleep with him, but eventually I just started phasing him out of my life. Then I met Gus.
Saturday night, Zane walks in and tells me that I�ve been avoiding him. I haven�t really, except that I won�t answer or return any of his phone calls, especially when he calls me from a blocked/private number, which I tell him. He tells me that he has broken up with his girlfriend and that he has decided that he wants to date me now. [sarcasm]Whoop-dee-doo!!![/sarcasm]. So after 2 years, all of a sudden HE has decided that he wants to date me and HE expects me to jump at the chance. Huh. I tell him exactly that. He gets annoyed, pulls out his cellphone, and shows me a phonebook entry with the name �My Love� and says, �who do you think this is?� I don�t know it could be anybody. He gets more upset and tells me that he wants me and that we�ll talk later. Whatever.
At this point, I am half drunk. In the past 30 minutes, I had pilled about 5 cups off beer on the table. Al and I decide to go to another bar, and we take Tequila shots. By the time we walk home, I am smashed. Al and I chill for a bit in the living room so that he can get sober enough to drive home. My phone rings and it�s Zane saying the he�s riding his bike to my house. A couple minutes later, he�s there and Al leaves and it�s just the 2 of us. I tell Zane that if he�s staying, then we�re not sleeping together. He thinks he can change my mind, but for the time being he agrees. He�s just as drunk as I am, if not more, and he passes out. I decide to go to sleep too. We wake up about 2 hours later and he wants to know why I won�t sleep with him. We get into this huge ass argument (which I don�t think my neighbors were too happy about) where I started yelling at him about how much of an asshole he is and how fucking selfish he is, and why all of a sudden he �wants me�, to the point where I start crying. He threatens to leave and I tell him to go ahead and leave, which he was shocked at. Then he started kissing me and the next thing I know, we�re having sex.
As I said in the beginning, it was not enjoyable. That�s not to say it wasn�t good. Zane and I have always had good sex. We�re a good match physically, but not anywhere else. However, the entire time we were having sex (both times) I was wishing that it was Gus and I was comparing it to Gus: Gus would have done this, and Gus would have kissed me more, held me longer, rubbed my hips, etc. What this Zane encounter did to me though, was convince me that I definitely am over him. I was over him mentally when he told me the girlfriend bullshit, but I couldn�t get over the sex. Then I thought I had gotten over the sex, but I wasn�t sure. Now, I am sure. I�m done with him and his crap. And I don�t care if I have to go back to not getting any for months or years (but hopefully not that long; I think 6 months is my limit).
In other news: I spoke to Gus Friday night. It was mainly work related, but we talked for a good 10 minutes about stuff that had nothing to do with work. Plus, I think it might be over with that psycho girl. He still hasn�t mentioned her to me (although I know that if I ask, he�d tell me the truth) but he told me that we need to start hanging out again, which he wouldn�t offer if he was still with her. Gus just needs to wake up and realize that I am the girl for him and I am willing to wait for him to come to this realization, Damnit. Even if I have to help him to that realization along the way.
summerroll at 1:23 p.m.