Thursday, Apr. 14, 2005
Weddings and Babies
I have not slept a full nights sleep since Saturday night. The past four nights, I have gone to bed some time between 10:30 and 11:30. And I have been reasonably tired. Yet, every night, I have woken up at around 3:30 am, unable to fall asleep, tossing and turning until the evil sunlight streams through my window exactly at 7 and the alarm on my watch beeps to tell me to take my birth control. At that point, I feel defeated and I give up on trying to sleep and turn on my TV to watch the Pretender. Four nights in a row.
I�m not feeling the effects yet, but I know that either Friday or Saturday I will crash and burn, hard. I�ve even tried drinking a glass of wine (still from the box, because that shit has a spigot and doesn�t oxidize) or a bottle of beer, which usually works. But not this week.
I don�t know what�s going on. Maybe there�s something I�m supposed to do at 3:30 and when I figure it out and complete the task, the curse will be lifted and I an finally sleep.
I�ve been invited to my first wedding. I�m very excited about it because I get to see one of my friends get married. Wait a minute, I just remembered that I was invited to a wedding last year, but I couldn�t go because I was chaperoning a stupid field trip. How could I forget that? Anyway, this will be the first one I attend. I was a little concerned this morning because I was re-reading the invitation and I realized that there is no dress code mentioned. I thought the invitations were supposed to tell, you Formal, semiformal, etc. So how am I supposed to know what to wear? Am I to assume that it is formal since it�s a wedding? I could never see this friend of mind having a wedding, much less a formal one, but maybe it�s a family thing. Regardless, I don�t own formal, semiformal, or even dressy casual clothes. I�m a little pathetic. So now, not only do I have to buy a gift, but I also have to buy a dress to wear.
What�s worse is that I have to go by myself. The invitation says clearly, �The bride and groom request that guests are limited to the names listed below��, which is just mine. I also thought that it was normal to allow for the possibility that the people invited could bring a guest, as long as they told you in a reasonable amount of time. But what do I know. This worries me because I hate being somewhere where I don�t know anyone. It�s really uncomfortable, especially for someone like me who dislikes almost 85% of the people I meet. It�s probably likely that a couple other of my �friends� have been invited, but who knows if they�re coming or not. And since I don�t speak to them on a regular basis, I think it would be weird to just call them up and say, �Hi. I know we haven�t spoken in a while, but are you going to that wedding?� Yeah, that�d be weird.
After searching through wedding and baby registries the past few weeks, I�ve realized that people choose the most expensive things for their wish lists. This friend that is getting married has $40 towels on a registry. And, another coworker, who is pregnant, has a $500 rocking chair on her baby shower registry. I mean my goodness. I can understand having like 4-7 expensive things on there that immediate family members or best friends would buy for you, but not everything should cost an arm and a leg. We�re not like the people on TV shows who are all rich. What happened to asking for pacifiers, and onesies and picture frames and other cheap stuff that people ask for when the get married because I really don�t know what those would be.
And it makes me feel bad to buy something that�s not on the registry because (1)they might not want/need it or (2)they might think I�m cheap. And I am so not cheap. I just don�t see the purpose in $40 dollar towels when there are towels for $10 or less, unless these towels have some magical powers that I just don�t know about, like self-warming or something.
I�ll just suck it u and find something on both registries that�s not too expensive but that won�t make me look like a cheapskate.
One of my kids yesterday asked me when it would be my turn to bring a little bundle of joy into this world, then said I�d be pregnant within the next year. I looked at the little bitch like she was crazy. I think she had me confused with herself, because I wouldn�t be surprised if she was pregnant in the next year. She one of those dumb girls who�s �boyfriend� convinced her that it�s okay to have sex without a condom because he can pull out in time. And then when she was late, he told her that she could go to the hospital and ask for the abortion pill. And when they turned her down he was all, �well I don�t want no kid and you can�t prove that it�s mine.� Dumb asses. Lucky for her she was just late.
But I digress. Three out of the five women that work in my department are (were) pregnant. My boss actually just had her baby on Monday. That thing was 11 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long. It was a fricking toddler. One of those monstrous sized babies. Plus, it�s really, really ugly. I would never tell her that, but I also wouldn�t tell her it was cute. I hate lying to people. I love how everyone else is all, �He�s so cute and beautiful, and blah blah,� and I�m just like, yeah right, they must have seen another baby.
I�ve always told people that I would never have kids, especially since I hate little kids. But I�d think I�d like to have one or two. Raising kids doesn�t scare me. I think that I�d be a great mom, so do the kids I work with (I say kids, but they�re teenagers, 14-18). I think what really scares me is carrying a life then giving birth. I can�t imagine having something be completely and utterly dependent on me alone for 9 months, stealing all my food and my energy and basically just being a parasite, albeit a parasite that I will love. Then, having to push out or cut out something that could possible be 12 lbs or greater (a woman in South America had a 16 lb about 2 months ago). My goodness. I�ve seen what happens to a female�s pelvic bone after giving birth in my Archaeology class, and it is not pretty. If she�s lucky, it only gets bruised and badly scarred. If she�s not it gets broken. Ugh. The burden of a woman.
I know that I won�t be having kids for at least another 2 to 5 years. I can�t even imagine having a kid right now. I�m in, what I like to call my selfish phase. I�m just out of college, I have a good job (although I�m sick of it right now), I don�t have crazy bills, and I really don�t have many responsibilities except for going to work and paying the 4 bills I do have. Right now, all I have to live for is me (and my family if they ever need me for anything). And I like that feeling. I know the time will come when that will change and there�ll be homework and dissertations and a husband and kids, but those things are far off in the future. Hopefully. I�ll keep my fingers crossed.
Damn, Miss Tyra lost it last night didn�t she? It looked like her and Tiffany were gonna rumble. I think Tyra kinda overreacted. I understood where Tiffany was coming from. After having so many disappointments and bad things happen in life, there comes a point when you don�t want to cry anymore or you don�t want other people to see you cry because then they�ll know that you feel defeated. If I were on that show, I certainly wouldn�t cry in front of the cameras. I would wait till my ass was on the plane or in my own bedroom. Tiffany�s mistake was trying to argue with Tyra. Doesn�t she know that Tyra is ALWAYS right and ALWAYS knows best? And Tyra, unless you grew up in the hood, smack dab in the middle of Liberty City/Overown, Miami, don�t presume that you know what that girl has gone through. I doubt that on her numerous visits to Miami that Tyra has ever set foot, or even driven through, the neighborhood that Tiffany is from. I�m from Miami, and I myself have only driven through it couple of times; I try to stay as far away from there as I possibly can.
Well at least Tiffany is back home and she can hopefully eat some food that she recognizes. The girl looks like she�d fall over if someone sneezed.
summerroll at 12:14 p.m.