Friday, Nov. 25, 2005
Suga, all I wanna do is be your one and only lover...
Thanksgiving went well. It was a nice calm afternoon with my family reasonably under control. I think it was because the entire family wasn�t there.
Dinner was great. Everyone loved my mashed potatoes (because my mashed potatoes are awesome!), and my baked mac-and-cheese was a hit with the under 10 crew. I even enjoyed the turkey. I tend to hate turkey because it�s so dry. It was decent this year. Last year�s was the best though because my uncle in Atlanta smoked the turkey for 24 hours and it was so juicy and succulent that the meat was just falling right off the bone. Actually, everyone mistook the turkey for ham that year. It was that good. Plus, I got heaping helpings of my favorite Turkey-day dish, stuffing. Mmmm. How I love me some stuffing. I actually just had a plate full for breakfast and it hit the spot.
Something interesting happened last night as I left my Uncle�s house to drive home. My phone went off as I pulled into the toll booth. It really took me by surprise when I picked up the phone and saw �Incoming call from Gus� flashing in the display.
I was a bit hesitant, but I answered. We had small talk. He wanted to know how I was doing and blah, blah, blah. He told me he was super busy with work and school and blah, blah, blah. He told me he didn�t hang out with his friends much because they�re all working on having kids and blah, blah, blah. Nothing too particular, nothing too serious, he said he was glad to hear from me and I said the same.
I really didn�t want to get into anything because I was partly confused about the call. I mean, just this week, just in the last entry, I had finally decided in my head that, ok, maybe this is over. And then this phone call. After we hung up, I said out loud to myself, �what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?� What the hell does that mean? Am I supposed to believe that he didn�t ignore my phone calls (which weren�t that many because I was calling every 2-weeks) or that he was just way to busy to call and say hi briefly for the past 2.5 months? Is he still interested in me? Or does he just want to be friends? What?
I had a good mind to call him back but he and his family were just about to sit down to dinner, plus I was on the verge of a total breakdown, and the last thing I want is to seem overly emotional.
Ugh! The whole thing just put me in a funk for the rest of the night. I got home and I couldn�t even relax. I totally freaked out at my kitty, who was doing the very cat-like thing of ignoring me last night when all I wanted to do was to pet her. The idea that she was now ignoring me really set me off, and I yelled at her and kicked the paper bag she was playing with. She just looked at me like I was nuts, then walked off to go lay down in her basket, then she just looked at me like she was thinking, �whatever bitch, you crazy.�
I was so depressed, I just went to bed.
This entire situation is making me insane. I wish I could just move on, but I�ve never felt this way about any guy before. It�s kinda scary because I don�t know what to do. I know what I�ve done in the past, but in the past, I never cared about the guys because I had no feelings for them.
This sucks. I can tell that I�ll be spending the rest of this long weekend under my comforter in my dark room.
summerroll at 11:10 a.m.